i stood trial 3 days ago in front of a jury of my peers. condemned to hang as the lady of a lord, in front of a slew of academic nonsense sayers. the world is getting darker, i am getting bigger and i am getting smaller at the same time. there are things i care about that i cannot bring myself to think now. there was a time where i thought i would be on top of the world and the last 6 months have proven to me that i am not the woman who can warm the bed of creativity or drive. i am a woman with no property or interest of my own. i thought that i was valuable to corporations, and that notion has been struck down as the sieve that news reaches me gets finer and finer with each grain of hope. the higher-ups at my job have sold out and the lower-downs can feel it but they have no power to marry each other in a holy negotiation of happiness; rather, they seek to marr each other. salespeople as the knights in a holy, oligarchical war. ceo’s as their kings. when the administration posts their wrongdoings and the public laughs, points, cries out “injustice”.
when i thought there was a time where i would be filled with a career, a lifeline, an idea of a greater world outside of myself that i could add to, the feeling of possibilities exhilarated my being. i dreamed of a time that my problems in life would be thinking about my ex’s, my next meals, and where my next drink would come from. the vodka, the wine, the drunkenness that came from a place of happiness instead of fear. here, the people tell me of genocides against their people and beg for my support. here, my people cry for liberty. but now, here, i hear the voices of the people against the government that were were an afterthought because my simple life was not subjected to a sickening cacophony of men admonishing women for their choices to perform their femininity or not. when i did not have to worry about my sibling and my mother and my father for being prosecuted for the crime of being darker than our neighbors. here, where the people who have shaped my upbringing are criminals for the crime of wanting a better life. here, where solid stone meant a rock, and not a meaningless call to my representatives to tell them that i shake my finger at the very things they are paid to represent.
02/21/2025
Audrey cota-davis